Depression is not a disease it's a disorder!

I was never been aware of what is called mental health. Why it is important to take care of it on the primary basis. The time I got my depression attack for the first time, I came to know how strongly it impacts human mind. How important it is to take care of your mental health on a regular basis.

How it is started I don’t know but there were various different symptoms started during the time of my jobless period, or I may say the time I started searching jobs after leaving govt job. I felt somebody is following me wherever I go, somebody is keeping tap on my laptop work on a daily basis. Somebody is stealing my data from my laptop, my laptop is getting hacked by somebody. And that somebody is not very well known but known to me. But I was not having any prove to catch the person. There was lot of sleeplessness or over sleep was happening. I never discussed this issue with anyone just because I thought it was a phase and might be my own illusion. One day it will go!

Second phase started on a very higher note. I was out of my mind, strong mental attack I was getting. My body language was out of my control, my brain and my mind were not working in a balance manner, or in a clearer manner, instruction of my brain was not responded by my mind. This time I have been hospitalized at AIIMS, Pune. Lot of medication, injection happened. Few days I was admitted with proper care. Then I was released. They recommended me to CIP Ranchi, for further treatment. Cip was a new place where I got awestruck by seeing their patients. Thousands and thousands of patients were roaming there with their own deficiency. First time I have gone through counselling with Dr Saswati then treatment started with medication. During counselling period, I came to know that depression is not exactly a disease, it’s a disorder, which was said by my counselor Dr Saswati.

I was extremely down because not only of that I was not married, I was jobless but because of I always used to feel I am very open-minded person. My life is an open book. I was always open to my parents about my life. Except for a fact that I have been physically and sexually abused. And that’s the final sentence asked from CIP Ranchi and I said yes.

I was with medication since 2013 till 2017.

I was more down as my family was feeling down. The awareness of depression or any kind of mental illness is not very high in my family. They got quite scared by looking at my health and medicinal effects. Which was not surprising for me.

Doctor told me it may come back during pregnancy. And it just happened. It was a huge hue and cry. Past resurrection. Lot of hormonal secretion.

The absurd thing is what happened after that. Hearing voices of close people, anxiety attack, the reason behind my breakups with my boyfriend…those thought was continuously knocking me. I was getting phobia of past. My body was feeling extreme light, there was sleeplessness happened again, and this time not one night. It was two three nights. It was a kind of senselessness. I was taken to AIIMS Bhopal. And they said medicine will continue for next two years. I was always doctor’s favorite, since the time I was born. I have heard about this story from my mom.

I ask myself how long this episode of life will continue? And the answer is blank in my head.